Presentation Day

This month the take home project at Cole’s preschool was to “make a map of a small section of your community, such as your house or the block that you live on.” Trying to get Cole to sit down and draw something, especially something specific, can be quite laborious. Yet all of the other kids in his class were raring to go. The day after the assignment was passed out, half of Cole’s classmates had their maps ready and were very excited to present them to the class. This was quite a change from last year, when the teacher was lucky if anyone remembered to do the monthly project at all. Noah has the same teacher, in a class that meets earlier in the day, and he was supposed to make a map too. He was very excited to make some railroad tracks and scribbles, taping several pieces of paper together to make it extra large. When Cole saw this he picked up on that railway theme and went nuts, drawing green train tracks over many pieces of paper. I looked at their artwork and compared it to what I had seen the other kids draw- their streets, their houses, the zoo, things like that. I thought to myself, “These will just be rough drafts to their very accurate and detailed maps yet to come.” I started drawing our road, trying to get Cole in the spirit. No such luck. He held by his original piece. I decided that Noah’s would be OK, he’s just three. Over the course of a week Cole kept telling me “I already made a map!” So I asked his teacher if it mattered if the map actually resembled much of anything. She said as long as the child did it themselves it was fine. Done. Cole asked me to come in to class with him on the day of his presentation (most of the parents do accompany their child for the presentations). Cole sat on a chair in front of his class and I sat next to him. Cole proudly held up his map and started talking about the train tracks in a cute shy voice that I had never heard before. He pointed out the tracks vs. the roads and the “coupler” on the train. I reminded him quietly in his ear that he had called it “The Green Line.” When he stated this, his teacher gushed “The Green Line is my favorite!” Then she asked the class if they had questions or comments for Cole. Everyone shot their hand in the air excitedly. Cole called on Liam. Liam said with a smile, “I like trains. I have a green train at home.” Someone else said “I like how the tracks have lines on them.” Everyone loved it! I couldn’t believe I almost wrote this version off as trash. I vowed to appreciate all of Cole’s artwork more from now on. Perfectionism has no place in motherhood.

Funny Things My Kids Have Said

Collected over the last few months...

Noah: "All this hard work [making Lincoln Log houses] makes me have to go PEE PEE!!!"

Noah is 3 going on 13. Today I was busy doing laundry and getting dressed. Every other minute he wanted me to go look at his Lincoln Log house, get him a snack, etc. I said "Just wait Noah" and he replied in his most sarcastic voice, "What, do you have to go to BOOK CLUB?!?"

Cole and Noah were eating lunch. We always tell them if they eat this or that healthy food they will get taller, stronger, or smarter. Cole asked if eating turkey will make him taller? I said yes. Noah got this worried look on his face and asked "Is the food I'm eating going to make me shorter?"

Today at story time Cole was playing with a boy named Keller. On the way home I asked Cole "Did you know that boy Keller from before?" Cole said, "Keller? I thought his name was Cuddler."

While we were on vacation using a rest stop Cole said "Mama, why don't you do stand up pee pee?" I was feeling annoyed by another gross bathroom and said straightforwardly, "Because I don't have a weiner." (that is the term the boys use) The next morning we were eating breakfast at the hotel breakfast room. Cole wanted me to try his Honey Nut Cheerios, I said "No thanks" and he said loudly "Why, because you don't have a weiner?"

We saw a mattress on top of a car. John asked Cole, "What do you think they're doing with that mattress?" Cole replied, "I think they're going camping"

Cole said he wanted to go to the jungle and I said I didn't know how to get there. He said "Just do what you do, put it in destination." (navigation)

Today Cole asked why Dada was my husband. I said because we fell in love and got married. Cole replied "You fell in the oven and got married?!"

Sept 9, 2010 Noah and I were driving through boystown after going to the paint store. Noah noticed some pictures of men up on the window of a gay bar (at Belmont/Halsted- Spin) and said, "I want muscles like that! Then I can wrestle in my underwear."

Day at the Martial Arts Center

A few weeks ago I was walking through Lincoln Square and saw a bunch of kids coming out of a Martial Arts Center. They looked so cute in their "gi" that I went in to find out how much the classes were. Oh no, it's not that easy. You have to go in for a private trial class and all that jazz before they will reveal their pricing. Yesterday was that day. All four of us went, a real family event. When we walked in I noticed people bowing to nothing in particular. I got that eerie feeling I get at Michigan football games. I am not the kind of person that likes repetitive hand motions and chants just because everyone else is doing it, feels a little too cult-ish to me. When the kids walk in they have to say "May I please have my attendance card Ma'am?" while maintaining eye contact. They also are required to learn how and where to do the aforementioned bowing. All of this pressure to be polite was odd to me when essentially they are coming here to learn how to knock the lights out of someone. I guess the lessons in "Karate Kid" and "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" were lost on me. I sat in Cole's class. At the beginning he had to chant that he would keep his room clean (sales pitch for the parents? I think so!). Then the teacher began showing him how to stand and would ask him what position he's in. Cole would softly reply "I don't know" while shrugging his shoulders. She would say to use his left foot, he'd use his right. I could tell he was fading fast. Reminded me of soccer when he would run to my lap in the middle of class whining "I'm too tired!" When class was over he stomped on the teacher's mini hand held punching bag square thingy in a "I'll show you!" kind of way. The teacher replied "Cole, was that nice to do?" Out in the hallway Cole and Noah were putting on their shoes and Cole yells out "Where did Karate girl go?" Not very polite or deferential. I felt the kind of embarrassment that I felt in my childhood church if you laughed, coughed, or flinched the wrong way. The social pressures were too much. As "Karate Girl" goes over the 1, 3, or 6 month payment plans, Cole farts. We sooo don't belong here. On the way home everyone is tired and has headaches. John says he doesn't want to spend his Saturdays at a place that smells like feet. He tells me that when his mom signed him up for Karate he hated it so much he would sit outside the center while the class was going on (he walked there by himself, so his mom didn't ever know). Needless to say, we are tabling Martial Arts for now.